From sliding into someones DMs to meeting someone for the first time, getting to know someone is always stressful. But while it’s normal to feel anxious before a first date, it’s actually the second second date you really need to worry about. The first date is simply a meet and greet, but the second date is always much more pressure. Luckily, I have tips for overcoming your second date nerves and surviving the next meetup with your crush.
On the first date, both of you are probably feeling super nervous and trying to make a good first impression. There are generally dos and don’ts you should follow on a first date, like don’t drink too much, don’t wear something uncomfortable, put your phone away, offer to pay, etc. The best thing you can do—both for yourself and for your date—is to just be yourself. That’s really the only way to have a successful first date, because the second is another beast entirely.
The second date poses a whole new challenge that the first date simply does not. This is when you decide if it’s worth seeing each other again. You might even think about whether you see a future with them. After going through all the basic questions, it’s your mutual chemistry that makes or breaks the night. This is when it starts to become more intimate, as people’s true colors are revealed once they let their guard down.
Since the last time you saw each other, let’s be real—you probably stalked their socials. As much as this isn’t recommended (because a little mystery is good in every relationship), I know most, if not all of you, did it anyway. Once you’ve had your first date and you’ve done your research on their friends, family, and even pets, you probably feel like you know them—or at least the basics. This is when your anxiety starts to kick in. Thoughts like “What are we going to talk about?”, “What if he thinks I am boring?”, and “Do they expect me to go home with them?”, can cause a whirlwind in your mind.
While these are all normal worries to have, it’s important to remind yourself that they would not be on a date with you if they did not think you were someone worth seeing. Read on for helpful things to keep in mind when you’re feeling nervous about your second date:
Remember—they’re feeling just as nervous as you are. Both of you are probably overthinking everything, because you want your date to actually enjoy your company. Yes, of course the second date is scarier, because at this point, you could cut the romantic tension with a knife. Instead of being stressed about that, lean into it. Try to not stress out about impressing them and focus more on simply being genuine.
Try remembering that the second date can be the best part! Be excited, and don’t feel embarrassed if you really like this person. It can be difficult to be vulnerable about your feelings for someone, but anything worth having is risky. The second date is less light-hearted than the first, but it’s also when you get to know the juicy details about each other. Nothing is better than having natural chemistry propel the date forward. This spark can make or break the relationship, but isn’t it better to know sooner rather than later?
Dating should be low stakes. If the second date goes poorly, there’s a 9/10 chance you’ll never have to see this person again. Think of fun date ideas and simply take a moment to have a good time together. If you’re both outdoorsy, go on a hike. If you live near a beach, go surfing. You could even take a silly dance class together. An activity always gives you something to bond over, but it can take the pressure off and allow you to just enjoy their company.
After the second date, you may start being overly critical of yourself. You may even be scrutinizing their behavior and searching for flaws. Remember, you’re in the driver’s seat, and you may or may not end up liking them. So what? This is your life so why would you settle for anything less than what you’re looking for? But if you’re definitely into them after a second date, don’t let fear stop you from the possibility of something truly amazing!
Do not forget how valuable you are. Whoever you’re seeing would be lucky to have you in their life. Say what you want to say, order what you want to order, and don’t try to morph yourself into someone you think they’d like. No one is worth putting up a charade for. No matter how the night ends, remember that you’re so wonderful. If the connection isn’t there for either of you, don’t worry about changing anyone’s mind. The worst thing you can do is critique yourself if it goes poorly. Confidence is crucial and will not only make you feel good about who you are, but will make you 10 times more alluring to that special someone. And trust me, they’re out there.
